Pelvic Floor Myths vs Reality: Why “Just Do Your Kegels” Often Isn’t the Answer
Tube of toothpaste representing the core and pelvic floor
If pelvic floor advice has ever made you feel confused, frustrated, or quietly defeated believe me you are not losing your mind. I felt exactly the same!!
Most people don’t start researching pelvic health because they’re curious. They come because something feels off.
Leaking when they didn’t expect it. A heaviness they can’t quite explain. Urgency that makes them plan their day around toilets. A sense that their body isn’t responding the way it used to.
And then, almost inevitably, they’re told the same thing:
“Just do your Kegels.”
For some, that helps. But for many others, it doesn’t. And for a surprising number, it actually makes things feel worse.
Let’s get down to the nitty gritty about why.
Myth 1: If I Make My Pelvic Floor Tighter, I’ll Be Stronger
This is one of the most common misunderstandings, and to be honest, one of the most damaging.
Tightness feels like control. It feels like effort. It feels like you’re doing something.
But tight isn’t the same as strong.
A muscle that’s always gripping is often tired, under-oxygenated, and struggling to respond when it actually needs to. Many people with pelvic floor symptoms are already holding or tensing, through their belly, jaw, shoulders, glutes, breath, without even realising it.
So when they’re told to squeeze more, the body doesn’t get stronger. It gets louder. More reactive. More protective.
Real strength is quiet. It adapts. It lets go ready to show up when needed (like when you walk, jump, cough and run).
That’s the difference between a muscle that’s working with you and one that’s constantly bracing against life.
Myth 2: Kegels Are the Right Starting Point for Everyone
Kegels or PFMT aren’t wrong It is just that they’re often introduced too early.
Strengthening a muscle that can’t relax, coordinate, or respond to pressure is a bit like adding weight to a door that’s already jammed. More force doesn’t fix the hinge.
For many people, the pelvic floor has learned to protect:
after birth
after surgery
during chronic stress
after pain
or simply from years of holding everything together
In those bodies, starting with squeezing can increase symptoms , not because the person is doing it wrong, but because the system isn’t ready yet.
This is where so many people lose trust in their body.
They’re trying. They’re consistent. They’re doing what they were told.
And still something doesn’t feel right.
That’s not really a failure. It is more of a mismatch.
Myth 3: Leaking Means My Pelvic Floor Is Weak
This one carries a lot of shame.
Leaking feels like a loss of control , so it’s easy to assume weakness. But very often, leakage is about timing, not force.
If the breath is held…
If the ribs don’t move…
If the abdomen braces before the pelvic floor can respond…
Pressure has nowhere to go or if you bend your abs or ribs kick in before your pelvic floor it just simply squeezes the wee out like you would toothpaste from a tube.
The pelvic floor doesn’t fail , it just gets overwhelmed.
I see strong, active, capable people leak not because they lack strength, but because their system is stuck in “try harder” mode instead of “work together” mode.
When breath, posture, and pressure start communicating again, leakage often changes without more effort.
Myth 4: I Should Be Actively Holding My Pelvic Floor All Day
This advice usually comes from a place of fear.
Fear of things getting worse. Fear of “letting go.” Fear that if you relax, something will fall. But a pelvic floor that’s constantly switched on never gets to recover.
Over time, constant holding can:
dull sensation
increase urgency
reduce responsiveness
and make it harder to feel what’s actually happening
Your pelvic floor isn’t meant to be micromanaged. It’s meant to respond reflexively, like your eyes blinking or your foot adjusting on uneven ground. When we stop forcing control and start restoring reflexes, the body often sighs in relief. Do you know a sigh or a yawn is your nervous system down regulating?
Myth 5: Pelvic Floor Symptoms Mean My Body Is Broken
This one hurts the most.
Because many people quietly carry the belief that something has gone wrong, that their body has failed them, or that this is just how it will be now. But the truth really is that most pelvic floor symptoms are protective strategies.
Your body learned something. It adapted. It tried to keep you safe.
When we approach pelvic health from that perspective, not fixing, not forcing, not blaming, the work changes.
We stop asking,
“What’s wrong with me?”
And start asking,
“What has my body been dealing with, and what does it need now?”
So What Actually Helps?
For most people, progress isn’t about doing more.
It’s about doing things in a different order.
We begin by helping the body feel safe enough to soften.
Then we restore breath and pressure so the system can communicate again.
Only then does strength truly land and stick.
Not dramatic. Definitely not aggressive. Just respectful of how bodies actually change.
If You’re Unsure What Your Pelvic Floor Needs
That uncertainty makes sense.
You’re not meant to diagnose yourself. You’re meant to be supported.
If you’re stuck between being told to squeeze, relax, brace, hold, engage, or “just ignore it” — know this:
Your body isn’t confused. It’s communicating.
And when you learn how to listen, gently, patiently, without force, things often begin to shift.
A Gentle Next Step
If you want support understanding what your pelvic floor needs, without fear-based advice or one-size-fits-all fixes, there are ways to start that feel safe, grounded, and doable.
You don’t need to work harder. You just need the right conversation with your body.
Pelvic Floor FAQs — The Questions Most People Are Afraid to Ask
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This is one of the hardest things to tell on your own, and it’s why so many people feel stuck.
A pelvic floor can be strong and tense at the same time.
It can also be weak because it never fully relaxes.Some common signs of a more overactive or held pelvic floor include:
difficulty fully emptying your bladder or bowels
pain with penetration or internal exams
urgency or a constant feeling of needing the toilet
feeling like you’re always “holding on,” even when resting
Signs that strength or support might be part of the picture can include:
leakage with coughing, lifting, or impact
a sense of heaviness or reduced support later in the day
fatigue rather than pain
Many people experience both — which is why sequence matters so much.
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Sometimes, yes, and that’s not your fault.
If exercises increase:
pressure
urgency
pain
or a feeling of bearing down
that’s useful information, not failure.
Your body may be asking for:
less effort
more breath
or a different starting point
Symptoms don’t mean “stop forever.”
They usually mean “this isn’t the right step yet.” -
Not always, and not all the time.
The pelvic floor often works best reflexively, without obvious sensation.
Many people expect a strong “lift” or clench, but functional support is often subtle.If you’re forcing sensation, holding your breath, or bracing to feel something, that’s usually a sign the system is trying too hard.
Quiet, responsive support beats dramatic effort.
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For most people, it isn’t an either/or.
It’s usually:
soften first
coordinate second
strengthen third
Relaxation without support can feel scary.
Strength without release can feel overwhelming.When those pieces are layered in the right order, the body often finds balance on its own.
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This is a very real fear, and a very common one.
Letting go doesn’t mean collapsing.
It means allowing movement, breath, and response.When release is paired with awareness and gentle coordination, people are often surprised by how much more supported they feel — not less.
Your body isn’t waiting for you to drop everything.
It’s waiting for you to stop fighting it. -
If symptoms:
persist
worsen
or are affecting your confidence, movement, or daily life
you deserve individual guidance.
Pelvic health isn’t about pushing through or guessing longer — it’s about understanding what your system needs and being supported while it relearns.
